Sagittarius Horoscope for February 20, 2011

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You're a bundle of energy today. But remember, just because you're feeling zestful and spry doesn't mean you have to force everyone else to feel that way. Otherwise, they'll end up wanting to shoot you with a tranquilizing dart.

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Sagittarius Horoscope for February 19, 2011

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Watch out for busybodies who can't wait to meddle in your business. They'll quickly realize your life is kind of boring, though, so they'll have to resort to making up juicy gossip about you. How very sad for them but what an opportunity for you!

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Sagittarius Horoscope for February 18, 2011

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Wires will get crossed no matter how you communicate today. Remember, people aren't mind readers, so you better figure out how to improve your mental telepathy skills or learn how to express yourself more succinctly, clearly a challenge for you.

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Sagittarius Horoscope for February 15, 2011

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Tone down your possessive streak. You're being so bossy that people may start to wonder whether you're moonlighting as a dominatrix. You don't have to be super-controlling to guarantee your stranglehold on things, unless you're really that insecure.

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Sagittarius Horoscope for February 14, 2011

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You screwed up your budget once again, which is forcing you to tighten your belt. You'd rather die than have anyone think you're a cheapskate, so you'll figure out inconspicuous ways to be thrifty, which means you'll lie to cover up your penny-pinching ways.

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Sagittarius Horoscope for February 13, 2011

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You're usually a little light on brainpower, but today you'll overthink every worthless detail you come across. At least you've found something to focus on -- just keep it to yourself. Nobody's interested in hearing you ramble.

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Sagittarius Horoscope for February 12, 2011

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You feel like all of your issues are looming above your head like a flock of seagulls. If you're lucky, your aerial baggage won't swoop down and attack you like the infamous scene from 'The Birds.' That would be freaky.

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Sagittarius Horoscope for February 11, 2011

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You have a ton going on today, but you'll totally ignore your to-do list in favor of screwing around -- until, of course, everyone tires of your antics. It's doubtful anything substantial will come of your desperate display, but it'll be wildly amusing for spectators.

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Sagittarius Horoscope for February 11, 2011

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You have a ton going on today, but you'll totally ignore your to-do list in favor of screwing around -- until, of course, everyone tires of your antics. It's doubtful anything substantial will come of your desperate display, but it'll be wildly amusing for spectators.

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Sagittarius Horoscope for February 09, 2011

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Holy ditziness! Your brain is even more sieve-like than usual today. People will be concerned as to whether or not you'll be able to handle simple tasks, such as remembering to close your mouth so you don't drool all over yourself. Pull it together, man!

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Sagittarius Horoscope for February 08, 2011

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You're clearly procrastinating about making a big decision. Oh, what's the use? The choice ultimately won't matter -- your life will suck either way. In the meantime, while you're at this crossroads, gobble up advice from anyone you can and actually take it, you turkey.

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Sagittarius Horoscope for February 07, 2011

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You're even more loquacious than usual. Don't be surprised if people use the weirdest and lamest excuses to avoid being trapped in a room alone with you. They just can't bear the thought of listening to you ramble on and on without a buffer.

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Sagittarius Horoscope for February 06, 2011

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Whatever you do, don't follow your instincts when it comes to solving a problem today -- you're way off base. Seek advice from friends, colleagues, monkeys, chinchillas, whatever. Seriously, anyone will have a better solution than you.

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Sagittarius Horoscope for February 05, 2011

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Everything seems blurry because your problems are coming at you like a snowstorm. Windshield wipers for your eyes would come in handy right about now if they existed. That way you'd be able to see what lies ahead instead of crashing into things blindly.

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Sagittarius Horoscope for February 04, 2011

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Your life is more stagnant than a teacher's wages these days. You should protest and demand some changes, and no stalled talks! Of course your ultimatums will fall on deaf ears, but at least it's good practice.

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Sagittarius Horoscope for January 30, 2011

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With any luck you're feeling sturdy today, because an undertow of dissent is trying to drag you under. Put on your water wings and fight the currents; otherwise, you're gonna drown, or at the very least get lost at sea.

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Sagittarius Horoscope for January 29, 2011

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Forgetting to back up your hard drive is an amateur mistake, one you keep making over and over. Get your crap together before someone notices what a flake you really are, taps into your network and steals all that homemade porn you've made of yourself.

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Sagittarius Horoscope for January 28, 2011

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Your obsession over things and people you can't control is driving everyone crazy. Don't you think it's time you dropped the insanity routine and moved on? You could spend a bundle on therapy and meds, or you could just get over it.

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Sagittarius Horoscope for January 27, 2011

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Support a friend who's trying to get into shape today. Remember that making fat jokes isn't appropriate. And besides, you're not the skinniest person in the world either! Maybe it's high time you got off your fat ass and cleaned your act up.

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Sagittarius Horoscope for January 26, 2011

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Rein in your scatterbrain and try to be a little more calculating today, especially at work. Since you're not the slyest fox in the den, be prepared for someone to reveal your schemes -- have plenty of answers ready. You'll look like a reckless dunce if you don't.

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