Capricorn Horoscope for February 20, 2011

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Think twice before jumping into a project today -- you don't have the wherewithal to get anything done. It'll be a bumpy road ahead, and you have a hard enough time driving on a freshly paved one. Stick with Chutes and Ladders for now.

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Capricorn Horoscope for February 19, 2011

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Focus on the smaller issues today. You need to confront the little things that have been stopping you from getting the job done. And no, you can't blame your significant other or drinking problem this time. You have to start taking responsibility.

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Capricorn Horoscope for February 18, 2011

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You're in the mood to act like a 1950s housewife today, but you really have no frame of reference. You don't know how to cook, you hate to clean, your wardrobe is atrocious and you have the worst attitude ever. You're no June Cleaver.

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Capricorn Horoscope for February 15, 2011

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Your emotions are running high over a bazillion things, and your friends are actually placing bets on how many times you'll cry today. Try to put all of your feelings into something productive instead of repeatedly making a fool out of yourself.

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Capricorn Horoscope for February 14, 2011

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You'll feel bold and confident today, but don't let your inner bully out to play. It's okay to be assertive, but tone it down -- nobody thinks it's cute when you're all puffed up like a peacock and bossing everyone around.

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Capricorn Horoscope for February 13, 2011

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You're more Joan Jett than Doris Day today. Your inner wild child is beckoning you to sin, sin, sin -- so throw another dime in that jukebox, order up another cocktail and hit on that sailor at the bar. Contracting an STD is the best thing that could happen to you!

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Capricorn Horoscope for February 12, 2011

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You have a mile-long to-do list, but you'll choose to ignore the essentials in favor of the frivolities. It's getting easier and easier to shirk your responsibilities until the day will come when you stop paying your bills altogether and move under a bridge.

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Capricorn Horoscope for February 11, 2011

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You have a ton of work to do over the next few days, which will force you to ask for a helping hand. You seem to be under the impression you're a much more productive member of society than you really are. If you want to get ahead, rely on others.

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Capricorn Horoscope for February 11, 2011

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You have a ton of work to do over the next few days, which will force you to ask for a helping hand. You seem to be under the impression you're a much more productive member of society than you really are. If you want to get ahead, rely on others.

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Capricorn Horoscope for February 09, 2011

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Certain people are receptive to your more out-there ideas. It must be refreshing to know that other minds can travel to warped distances as well. Surround yourself with the real sickos today. It's nice to feel some camaraderie once in a while.

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Capricorn Horoscope for February 08, 2011

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You're extremely emotional and indecisive today, which in turn will make you whiney and unattractive. Don't speak to anyone until this mood subsides. Then again, you're pretty miserable to be around even on your best days -- you can't win.

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Capricorn Horoscope for February 07, 2011

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You are quick-tongued today, but no one around you is going to dig your little quips. You had better find a less discerning audience if you expect positive reactions to your so-called cleverness. Your usual crowd is tired of the same old act.

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Capricorn Horoscope for February 06, 2011

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You're suspicious of everyone's motives today. It's okay to be a little paranoid -- you've done everything to deserve it. But don't attack people before they do or say anything harmful. Your aggression is off the charts, dude. Get a handle on it ASAP!

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Capricorn Horoscope for February 05, 2011

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Like a dog, you should sniff out situations today. Use your intuition to avoid trouble. If you don't listen to that instinct, you're going to end up wandering into the middle of a busy highway -- at best you'll be seized by the dog catcher, at worst you'll end up as road kill.

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Capricorn Horoscope for February 04, 2011

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Stay away from detail-oriented tasks and continue to reside in your own little world. Your mind is way too feeble and can't focus on anything other than simple pictures. Stick with Dr. Seuss and you'll be fine -- venture into anything more complex, and you'll find yourself in dangerous territory.

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Capricorn Horoscope for January 30, 2011

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It's the kind of day when you can turn even the nastiest pimple into a believable beauty mark. Just remember: while you may be able to cover up some temporary flaws for a little while, you won't be able to hide your true colors for long.

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Capricorn Horoscope for January 29, 2011

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Some people work to live, others live to work -- you, however, don't do either of these things. Get your shit together and give that couch of yours a break. The big wide world will most definitely be more interesting than your pitiful, meaningless problems.

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Capricorn Horoscope for January 28, 2011

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You know you're unhappy; everyone else knows you're unhappy. So what are you gonna do about it? Your depression has worn out its welcome. Nobody wants to hear about how you can't get out of bed and take a shower. Your life isn't that bad. Deal.

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Capricorn Horoscope for January 27, 2011

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Don't get mixed up with something that seems unsavory. You have enough to worry about without getting yourself into another situation that requires a web of lies to cover up your lack of good judgment and proclivity for malfeasance.

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Capricorn Horoscope for January 26, 2011

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You're feeling passionate today, but you need to express it in a productive way. Don't go around making a fool out of yourself by hitting on everyone you meet -- if you're lucky, you'll make it through this day without getting arrested.

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