Pisces Horoscope for February 20, 2011

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Someone is going to call you on your selfishness today. While you should feel bad about your actions, you're more annoyed that they won't let you get away with your ridiculously narcissistic behavior. You're such a bitch.

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Aquarius Horoscope for February 20, 2011

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You have less energy than a sloth on Benadryl lately, so it's time to get your heart pumping. If you can't fathom hopping on the treadmill for an hour, at least walk the two blocks to the Krispy Kreme instead of driving there.

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Capricorn Horoscope for February 20, 2011

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Think twice before jumping into a project today -- you don't have the wherewithal to get anything done. It'll be a bumpy road ahead, and you have a hard enough time driving on a freshly paved one. Stick with Chutes and Ladders for now.

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Sagittarius Horoscope for February 20, 2011

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You're a bundle of energy today. But remember, just because you're feeling zestful and spry doesn't mean you have to force everyone else to feel that way. Otherwise, they'll end up wanting to shoot you with a tranquilizing dart.

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Scorpio Horoscope for February 20, 2011

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You'll shuffle around your schedule in a desperate attempt to make your life a little easier. Sadly, not even a master juggler could make this work. Not today. Not ever. Nothing in your life is ever succinct or simple, which should tell you something.

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Libra Horoscope for February 20, 2011

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Go ahead and be the demanding diva you are today. Someone (pathetic) will actually manage to meet all of your annoying needs today. You're really lucky at least one human on the planet can deal with your high-maintenance attitude.

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Virgo Horoscope for February 20, 2011

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You're not one to succumb to what other people want, but you're gonna have to suck it up today. Give in or give up, dude. Otherwise, you're never going to get anywhere -- which is actually status quo for you.

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Leo Horoscope for February 20, 2011

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You're extra needy today, which is going to drive people insane! If you stop demanding so much from them, they might actually choose to pay more attention to you. Then again, you're a bottomless pit of need, and no one can satisfy that.

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Cancer Horoscope for February 20, 2011

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You have an entrepreneurial spirit, but no business sense whatsoever. In fact, your six-year-old niece could turn a quicker profit at her lemonade stand than you could ever dream of. Give up now before you embarrass yourself.

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Gemini Horoscope for February 20, 2011

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You're tuned into life's big picture, but your screen is looking pretty fuzzy. You can try changing the channel and hope for a clearer view, but you're probably just better off taking a nap and turning your attentions elsewhere.

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Taurus Horoscope for February 20, 2011

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A relationship you've been fighting for may not be worth the trouble, especially if you're dealing with a petty, jealous psycho. You'd better get out of this mess before it gets the best of you. Then again, you're stupid and think you can change things. Good luck.

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Aries Horoscope for February 20, 2011

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You're about as balanced as a three-legged table today. Either find another leg to stand on or lay on your back (i.e. rest) so you don't topple over. Nobody wants to deal with trying to help you out today, so don't impose.

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